Think of the poor birds
I MUST confess I’d never heard of Edward Colston until I saw footage of his statue going headfirst into the River Avon in Bristol on June 7. My immediate reaction was ‘good riddance’ but after a...
View ArticleBlack and blue
THE shriek my mother emitted when she saw her blue-in-the-face darling dangling upside down and being thwacked on the back by a huge black handset all the china in the house rattling. Filled with fury...
View ArticleBring back safe cigs
FORMER neighbour Gertrude – well into her eighties and with a voice like a wood shredder due to a lifetime of heavy smoking – stunned me a few years back by asking ‘Where can I buy cigs that won’t...
View ArticleMaking the best of a bad situation
Photo: Barry Duke/YouTube IN the 1975 song ‘Making the Best of a Bad Situation’ Ray Stevens sings about a woman who’s husband ‘came unwrapped’ and imagined he was a chicken. The wife considered...
View ArticleMy farton days are over…
‘EAT any more of those and you’ll start looking like one,’ said hubby Marcus as he watched me shell a boiled egg. I snapped ‘It’s precisely because I want to stop looking like Humpty Dumpty that I’m...
View ArticleDiary of a liberated hack
This week, I decided to share my week’s routine with you again. Can you relate at all?! Monday: Wake up with aches in muscles and joints I didn’t know I had. Fifi shoots me a look that says ‘you’re not...
View ArticleKeep calm, dear, he’s only a drag queen
DECADES ago a London gay bar staged Sunday afternoon tea dances that attracted a sizeable number of fellas in extravagant frocks who showed how waltzes and tangos and jives REALLY ought to be done....
View ArticleCarrots or crisps?
BACK in 1981, Thatcher’s Employment Secretary Norman Tebbit – every inch as abhorrent a creature as she was – responded to the then unemployment crisis by suggesting that people get on their bikes and...
View ArticleExpats, the Mother Country needs you!
I ANTICIPATED a robust reaction to a question I posted on Facebook last week, but I hadn’t bargained for the outpouring of derision and fury it provoked. This is what I posted on the Brexpats in Spain...
View ArticleBenidorm-bashing and Fake News
AT the beginning of August the UK’s Daily Express carried this clickbait headline: ‘Brits ‘scared to go out’ as local beach resorts turn into ‘Benidorm on steroids’. It was a report about large crowds...
View ArticleProud to be a cultural Marxist
OVER the years I have been saddled with a variety of labels. In South Africa I got called a ‘kaffir boetie’ (the equivalent of n****r-lover). Also a ‘soutpiel’, an Afrikaans term for a British expat...
View ArticleSomething’s rotten in the state of Poland
WHENEVER I meet up in Benidorm with my Polish friend Krzysztof the conversation turns to the latest lunacy emanating from his former homeland, fast becoming as much of a theocratic basket case as Iran...
View ArticleSuited and booted: those days are so over!
Suited and booted: those days are so over! LAST Saturday I posted a wedding picture on Facebook to celebrate the third anniversary of my marriage to Marcus, my companion of 23 years. One friend...
View ArticleDawn of the Dumb: Galbani
It’s Galbani, you moron … G-A-L-B-A-N-I! There´s an excruciatingly funny UK blog called Ad Turds that pokes fun at really stupid commercials and invites submissions from people who are pushed by bad...
View ArticleA very fishy tale
TRY as I might, it’s an image I simply cannot get out of my head: a guy, in a blind panic, running out of the sea, pursued by ravenous fish snapping at him with very sharp teeth. I regret not being...
View Article
More Pages to Explore .....